Took a tiny break from Endless Summer to visit a brisk almost-Spring-but-really-still-feels-like-Winter New England last week for a conference. Watched some surgery debates. Played with new surgery toys. Enjoyed lobster and oysters. Networked the shit out of my high heels. Grasped at my vaguely Irish roots. Learned a choreographed dance. Barely missed a Spring snowstorm. Did some serious bonding with other bright young surgeonesses who remind me of where I was a year ago - the uncertainty! the hope! the fear! - and how much I've grown since then.
Sure I experienced some mean girl passive aggression. And the professional envy still creeps up, but milder and mellower each time I meet the same round of compatriots from interviews. *Almost* starting to believe that everyone's path is different. [Insert metaphor about getting lost on hikes constantly]. It all evens out on the dance floor.
I honestly never expected to be back in Providence so soon, or to see it so fondly. The cobblestones! The steeples! The turrets! Visiting only people and places you choose really puts a positive spin on all painful memories. I guess I just needed a little time and an entire continent of distance.
Saw old big bosses that are slowly inching toward colleague and friend-level status. The ones that saw me crying on Co-op 4 because I literally could not do anything right as intern, and then again crying in their office as a fellow when I made the decision to call off my engagement. Of course there were some happy times (and laughter-induced tears) in between. And the drought in Southern California has not prevented the wasteful spillage of lacrimal secretions, but the initial self-doubt and overwhelming loneliness of starting over are finally starting to give way to a sense of belonging here. Still, it's nice to hear confirmation from objective observers who would never bullshit me.
Six months into the job and I'm fully operational, seeing my own post-ops, squeezing in last-minute minor procedures, and finally getting included in the surgery group photo. [First professional head shots since the Sally Field interview days...] Now I just need my name to be on the sign on the door [or there to be any permanent signage to our brand-spanking-new office space] and for all this handshaking, smiling and business-card pedalling to create a consistent flow of referrals. Also still awaiting the love of my life. All are welcome to apply, but my rabbi [patient] told me not to settle. Goals for the next six months...
Sure I experienced some mean girl passive aggression. And the professional envy still creeps up, but milder and mellower each time I meet the same round of compatriots from interviews. *Almost* starting to believe that everyone's path is different. [Insert metaphor about getting lost on hikes constantly]. It all evens out on the dance floor.
Saw old big bosses that are slowly inching toward colleague and friend-level status. The ones that saw me crying on Co-op 4 because I literally could not do anything right as intern, and then again crying in their office as a fellow when I made the decision to call off my engagement. Of course there were some happy times (and laughter-induced tears) in between. And the drought in Southern California has not prevented the wasteful spillage of lacrimal secretions, but the initial self-doubt and overwhelming loneliness of starting over are finally starting to give way to a sense of belonging here. Still, it's nice to hear confirmation from objective observers who would never bullshit me.
Six months into the job and I'm fully operational, seeing my own post-ops, squeezing in last-minute minor procedures, and finally getting included in the surgery group photo. [First professional head shots since the Sally Field interview days...] Now I just need my name to be on the sign on the door [or there to be any permanent signage to our brand-spanking-new office space] and for all this handshaking, smiling and business-card pedalling to create a consistent flow of referrals. Also still awaiting the love of my life. All are welcome to apply, but my rabbi [patient] told me not to settle. Goals for the next six months...
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