I'm still trying to channel that theremin and round of acapella. That limitless unbridled enthusiasm. That ability to relax and just wait for the tide to come in. In one week it will be my California-versary; one year as a pseudo-California girl.
Sadly, I have yet to go surfing or stand-up paddle-boarding or really anything worthy of a Beach Boys shout-out, except maybe the ice cream truck intro to "Wouldn't It Be Nice". Let's be honest, I wouldn't even make the Van Halen cover version of "California Girls". [Slightly related side note: I refuse to believe that anyone is actually comfortable in a high-cut one-piece bathing suit. Stop trying to bring it back!] My hair is not bleached blonde [though I like to refer to my highway-dried tangles as "beachy waves"] and despite what instagram and my light golden perma-tan would have you believe, I have actually only been TO the beach [and not just driving beach-adjacent] a handful of times.
My survival tactic throughout this year of transition, stress, and self-doubt has been "if you don't have something nice to say, take a pretty picture". And what is more L.A. than that? Faking it til I make it. With aplomb.
LOS ANGELES YEAR ONE:
Earthquakes: Zero (*knock on wood*)
Wildfires: Many, but none near me
Landslides/Floods: A few, but none near me
Precipitation: Felt like zero
Carwashes: Two
Times I've Had To Valet My Car To Operate: Too many to count
Curses I Have Uttered At The Too-Small-For-Any-Compact-Car-Parking-Spaces-At-Cedars: Basically all of them, even the unforgivable curses
Awkward Uber Rides In A White Coat Between Surgicenters: One
Uncomfortable Conversations About My Age/Job: Endless
Round-The-Corner Bookshops That Have Been Gobbled Up And Turned Into Overpriced Clothing Boutiques: One
Straight Up Rejections From Nightclubs Based On Clothing And/Or Lack Of Celebrity Status: Two
Days I Existed Only On Leftover Halloween Chocolate: Greater than seven
Maximum Hours I've Hit Snooze In Order To Negate Any Attempts To Run In My Neighborhood Prior To Smog And/Or Rush Hour Traffic: Four
Number Of Subscription Movie/TV Services I Use In A Flawed Attempt To Not Have A Television: Three
Cockroaches: Zero Rebecca: One
Redoubling efforts to meet California benchmarks starting next week, which include but are not limited to: various wave-based ocean sports, various wheel-based sidewalk sports, various live-music festivals, various state parks and natural wonders, and various varietals of local food and drink.
Sadly, I have yet to go surfing or stand-up paddle-boarding or really anything worthy of a Beach Boys shout-out, except maybe the ice cream truck intro to "Wouldn't It Be Nice". Let's be honest, I wouldn't even make the Van Halen cover version of "California Girls". [Slightly related side note: I refuse to believe that anyone is actually comfortable in a high-cut one-piece bathing suit. Stop trying to bring it back!] My hair is not bleached blonde [though I like to refer to my highway-dried tangles as "beachy waves"] and despite what instagram and my light golden perma-tan would have you believe, I have actually only been TO the beach [and not just driving beach-adjacent] a handful of times.
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| yep |
My survival tactic throughout this year of transition, stress, and self-doubt has been "if you don't have something nice to say, take a pretty picture". And what is more L.A. than that? Faking it til I make it. With aplomb.
LOS ANGELES YEAR ONE:
Earthquakes: Zero (*knock on wood*)
Wildfires: Many, but none near me
Landslides/Floods: A few, but none near me
Precipitation: Felt like zero
Carwashes: Two
Times I've Had To Valet My Car To Operate: Too many to count
Curses I Have Uttered At The Too-Small-For-Any-Compact-Car-Parking-Spaces-At-Cedars: Basically all of them, even the unforgivable curses
Awkward Uber Rides In A White Coat Between Surgicenters: One
Uncomfortable Conversations About My Age/Job: Endless
Round-The-Corner Bookshops That Have Been Gobbled Up And Turned Into Overpriced Clothing Boutiques: One
Straight Up Rejections From Nightclubs Based On Clothing And/Or Lack Of Celebrity Status: Two
Days I Existed Only On Leftover Halloween Chocolate: Greater than seven
Maximum Hours I've Hit Snooze In Order To Negate Any Attempts To Run In My Neighborhood Prior To Smog And/Or Rush Hour Traffic: Four
Number Of Subscription Movie/TV Services I Use In A Flawed Attempt To Not Have A Television: Three
Cockroaches: Zero Rebecca: One
Redoubling efforts to meet California benchmarks starting next week, which include but are not limited to: various wave-based ocean sports, various wheel-based sidewalk sports, various live-music festivals, various state parks and natural wonders, and various varietals of local food and drink.
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