I should be more excited that the boxes are all finally packed and the movers are coming in two hours, but until now I hadn't really had to start letting go.
Last Friday I went to the hospital to turn in my badge and pager, but only saw a few familiar faces. Since I had refused to say my goodbyes earlier, I really went out with a whisper. A new crop has taken over. There's nothing more for me here.
That day I also let go of the last remnant of my never-to-be wedding: the dress. I hadn't been hanging on to it in hopes that we could rekindle the relationship, it just genuinely hurt to have spent so much money on something so sparkly and never get to use it. In the end I sold it for a ridiculously low price to a completely unsympathetic bridal shop owner. Makes me never want to buy anything full price again; the depreciation is outrageous! The whole wedding game is a joke and I'm swearing to myself that I won't get sucked in again.
It hasn't all been bad. Obviously I have taken advantage of my free time to visit my East Coast family and do some last ditch bucketlisting. New Jersey, Virginia, Maine and Newport (multiple times) - probably more miles on the Mazda in the last month than in the last year. Between Camp Heather's pro-ice cream policy, Providence restaurant week's decadent 3-course prix fixe extravaganzas, Newport Folk Festival fare, and the endless oysters and lobsters in between, I have confirmed that I don't need a kitchen in my life. Spent some QTC with literally every aunt and cousin on my mom's side of the family along with my cousin Olivia's gorgeous offspring, and again was saddened that I was out of touch with them for the last six years.
The most surprising and bittersweet aspect has been the new friends I've made since graduation. I adore my replacement, the new laparoscopic fellow, and though I'm adding her to the list of people I want to keep in touch with and meet up with again in the future, it's not the same as having a person to laugh with about the toils of daily living. As jealous as I am that she gets to hang out with my favorite bosses, I genuinely want her to have as great a year as I did. I also made an unexpected new friend in the surgical department who became my best ally in the bucketlisting and revelry of Endless Summer. From the initial karaoke duet to the impromptu roadtrip to Maine where he taught me how to properly deconstruct a lobster (which I will unlikely ever do again), the time since graduation has been an unanticipated pleasure.
Of course most of this ruminating has been brought about by this Starbucks' shamefully gut-wrenching 90s soundtrack (I just came for the free A/C). Lisa Loeb's "Stay" always reminds me of awkward pre-teen summers at the Greentree community pool where the radio played the same songs on repeat, me memorizing the words to try to look cool. "Still the one" by Shania Twain was my first dance with my high school crush, almost first dance with any boy. Of course I'd asked him despite not having any dance moves other than the slow spinning circle, but at the time it seemed like a desperate hail mary. Despite that guy calling me repellent in my yearbook and tormenting me all summer, by the next year we were "going out". Thus began the romantic chronicles: a tragedy.
Last Friday I went to the hospital to turn in my badge and pager, but only saw a few familiar faces. Since I had refused to say my goodbyes earlier, I really went out with a whisper. A new crop has taken over. There's nothing more for me here.
That day I also let go of the last remnant of my never-to-be wedding: the dress. I hadn't been hanging on to it in hopes that we could rekindle the relationship, it just genuinely hurt to have spent so much money on something so sparkly and never get to use it. In the end I sold it for a ridiculously low price to a completely unsympathetic bridal shop owner. Makes me never want to buy anything full price again; the depreciation is outrageous! The whole wedding game is a joke and I'm swearing to myself that I won't get sucked in again.
It hasn't all been bad. Obviously I have taken advantage of my free time to visit my East Coast family and do some last ditch bucketlisting. New Jersey, Virginia, Maine and Newport (multiple times) - probably more miles on the Mazda in the last month than in the last year. Between Camp Heather's pro-ice cream policy, Providence restaurant week's decadent 3-course prix fixe extravaganzas, Newport Folk Festival fare, and the endless oysters and lobsters in between, I have confirmed that I don't need a kitchen in my life. Spent some QTC with literally every aunt and cousin on my mom's side of the family along with my cousin Olivia's gorgeous offspring, and again was saddened that I was out of touch with them for the last six years.
The most surprising and bittersweet aspect has been the new friends I've made since graduation. I adore my replacement, the new laparoscopic fellow, and though I'm adding her to the list of people I want to keep in touch with and meet up with again in the future, it's not the same as having a person to laugh with about the toils of daily living. As jealous as I am that she gets to hang out with my favorite bosses, I genuinely want her to have as great a year as I did. I also made an unexpected new friend in the surgical department who became my best ally in the bucketlisting and revelry of Endless Summer. From the initial karaoke duet to the impromptu roadtrip to Maine where he taught me how to properly deconstruct a lobster (which I will unlikely ever do again), the time since graduation has been an unanticipated pleasure.
 |
| Idyllic Lighthouse outside of Portland |
Of course most of this ruminating has been brought about by this Starbucks' shamefully gut-wrenching 90s soundtrack (I just came for the free A/C). Lisa Loeb's "Stay" always reminds me of awkward pre-teen summers at the Greentree community pool where the radio played the same songs on repeat, me memorizing the words to try to look cool. "Still the one" by Shania Twain was my first dance with my high school crush, almost first dance with any boy. Of course I'd asked him despite not having any dance moves other than the slow spinning circle, but at the time it seemed like a desperate hail mary. Despite that guy calling me repellent in my yearbook and tormenting me all summer, by the next year we were "going out". Thus began the romantic chronicles: a tragedy.
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